In France, greetings are very important. We always say hello to everyone with a handshake if they are strangers or we don't know them very well, and with a kiss on each cheek if they are friends or family. But when does a person change from one category to the other? That is the question.
Today we went to an end of the year barbecue with the families of the boys from Wesley's soccer team. For almost a year I have shaken the hands of these people, including the coaches. But today as we arrived at the soccer field, I was greeted with kisses by everyone. Even though I held out my hand. So, does the fact that we will be eating a meal together make us friends all of a sudden? Does anyone else think about this, or is it only me, the foreigner that tries to analyze this fact? Is it natural for them to switch from a handshake to kisses? Will it ever be natural for me?
3 comments:
En milieu professionel, j'ai l'habitude de serrer les mains pour dire bonjour mais voilà que si nous avons un repas ensemble en dehors du cadre du travail, l'embrassement est de mise avec la gent féminine. Pourquoi ? Pour avoir un contact plus chaleureux. Qu'à cela ne tienne, dès le lendemain, serrons-nous les mains !!! Jonathan Pira
Thanks Jonathan, that helps, I think.
Ye, to kiss or not to kiss?
I was born and brought up in France and now have lived in NZ for the last 30 odd years. I can relate very well to your dilemma Heidi. Here in NZ to kiss between men is a big no-no, and with women one has to be quite careful...as you may know being American.
The last few times when I went back to France and visited a local church at the weekly meeting, it was like a big family. It took ages to introduce and ages to depart as each one had to talk about something and kiss a the risk of being offending. In such Christian circles everyone is theoretically meant to be family so... Most of the people I didn't know but, I felt as if obliged to kiss everybody. I must admit I was tired of it...
The reality though is that during that period of greeting with a kiss, it gave great opportunity for most to reconnect emotionally. It is a good thing if patient enough... To my view to kiss or not to, is a question of respect, protocol and culture but essentially familiarity.If not familiar, to keep a distance is normal and shaking hand appropriate. My impression is that it is related to the type of relation one would want to have, close or distant.
I have found that the group atmosphere often dictates. Beside that there is that sense of desiring acceptance, need to bend to the rules. Also when most kiss each other, it is kind of impolite not to do so and vice versa. Still is a question of familiarity I think. Perhaps the difference between the Anglo-saxon or even American culture is that they tend to act as from their own sense of judgment rather than the French people in general of course, tend to respond to the group's demands. Personally I prefer the former. As much as being of a Christian Spirit it entice to be a free individual entity rather that be led by the wind of tradition or religiosity. Tradition, although often protective, is also restrictive in it's long term application.
Ultimately it comes down to the clash that there is between the religious spirit and the free spirit in Christ.
Well Heidi, I may have said more than you wanted to know... I just hope that it may help in some ways.
Kind regards.
Daniel Eliet
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